Ninja Football
by existence555
Summary: One day, a random kid named Bob shows up in Konoha and tries to teach our favorite ninjas how to play football. Crackish, but not total crack.


**A/N: Really really really weird. Don't ask. But do review! xD**

"Wow dudes, why are you sitting around doing all this throwing knives and stuff?" Bob asked.

"What else can we do?" Shikamaru sighed. "This is the easiest thing at least. And who are you anyway?"

"We can play FOOTBALL DUDES!" Bob yelled excitedly. "I'm Bob."

Sai looked at the other boys for an explanation, hoping that they knew what football was.

"YEAH LET'S DO IT!" Naruto shouted.

Then he thought it over for a minute and scratched his head.

"Wait, Bob, what's football?" he inquired.

Bob smacked his forehead with his hand and stared at the guys around him in disbelief.

"You don't know what football is?!" he exclaimed. "You know, American football?!"

Kiba tried to ask Akamaru, who was sure that he'd never even heard the word. Shikamaru claimed that learning was too troublesome for him, so he didn't bother. Naruto said he had no idea what it was, but he was in. Sai shrugged and told Bob that he usually didn't know much about normal people things anyway.

Neji sighed and said he had training to do, but the other boys convinced him to stay. Lee said that if it required youthful spirit, he'd be the star. Shino sent his bugs to do research on this so called "football" but came up empty. Choji wondered aloud if it involved food.

"No, I'll teach you how to play," Bob decided. "This is unacceptable. Manly men such as yourselves should be completely immersed in it! I'll be the ref!"

He explained the rules to them and split them up into teams. Naruto, Lee, Shino, and Sai were on one team, which they called Team Youth, even though Shino and Sai were against it. Shikamaru, Kiba, Choji, and Neji made up the other team. Kiba called it Team Akamaru, since none of the rest of his team cared.

"Okay, first you kick off to them!" Bob instructed Team Youth.

"I can do this!" Lee stepped up, accepting the football.

He ran forward and kicked it so hard that it split down the middle and the two halves flew to the other side of Konoha.

"Not that hard," Bob told him. "That's not right at all! Shino, you try!"

Shino sighed and whispered something to his bugs.

A horrified Bob watched as a swarm of bugs grabbed the second football. They flew it over to Team Akamaru, dropping it straight into Kiba's hands.

"You can't use bugs in football!" Bob complained.

But the game had already started. Kiba started running, and Bob was grateful that he didn't do anything ridiculous. The game commenced normally for about 5 seconds, until Naruto tried to tackle Kiba and missed. Since he figured it would be harder to catch up with him, Naruto clasped his hands together and concentrated.

"Oiroke no Jutsu!" he yelled, transforming into a naked woman.

Kiba was immediately hit by a severe nosebleed, causing him to wildly throw the ball up in the air, where Sai caught it.

"Good catch Sai!" Bob called. "But Naruto, you're not allowed to use ninjutsu in football, I should give you a penalty. But you guys are just beginners, so I won't."

Naruto nodded at Bob in thanks.

This time, things went smoothly for almost 10 seconds, which was the amount of time it took Sai to draw a giant bird and make it real. He mounted it and flew over to the other team's end zone. He dismounted gracefully and held up the football in the air, emotionless.

"Touchdown Team Youth!" Bob called. "Now Sai, you're supposed to celebrate. This is really good. Dance!"

Sai shrugged and drew himself a beautiful girl (who looked rather like Ino) to dance with. They started to tango, and Bob couldn't take it anymore.

"NEVER MIND!" he shouted. "YOU DON'T HAVE TO DANCE!"

"But I thought I was doing well," Sai smiled.

"JUST KICK OFF THE BALL!" Bob screamed. "DO IT BEFORE I DO IT MYSELF!"

"Bob seems tense," Shikamaru remarked.

Naruto managed to kick it off without any incident, and it was hurtling towards Shikamaru.

"Now catch it Shikamaru!" Bob directed him.

"Too troublesome," Shikamaru whined.

He put his hands together to form a seal and managed to hook onto the shadow of the football. Shikamaru started leisurely walking to the end zone, because nobody could pull the football away from him.

"Touchdown Team Akamaru," Bob groaned, not able to watch any longer. "Let's go till whoever gets the next touchdown."

Team Akamaru kicked it off and Naruto caught it. He ran and ran until he reached the end zone. He jumped and screamed for joy, being himself.

"At last, someone who grasps the spirit of football!" Bob said happily. "Touchdown Team Youth."

"I don't think so," Neji commented, pointing at the ball.

It quickly turned into Choji, who almost flattened Naruto when he sat on the poor blonde.

"Where's the real ball?" Bob asked, his mouth hanging open.

"Right here," Neji replied, taking it out of his pocket.

The Hyuga genius put his hand up and concentrated for a second.

"JUKEN!" he yelled, forcing it straight into Kiba's waiting arms in the end zone.

"Touchdown Team Akamaru," Bob sighed. "Good job, you have managed to ruin football for me forever."

Naruto gave him a confused look.

"Well we'll see you around," Naruto shrugged. "We have to get back to training. But this was fun Bob, we should do it again."

Bob paled at that thought and ran as fast as he could go.

"Should we tell him that we know how to play football?" Choji asked.

"Nah, it's fun to play with the minds of those non ninja kids," Shikamaru snickered.

"And it was a nice break from training," Kiba grinned.

"So you were just skipping training," Kakashi appeared next to them.

The boys glared at him, eyes wide with surprise. As if to answer their unasked question, Kakashi did a few seals and turned into their friend "Bob".

"You guys really suck at football," Kakashi said seriously.


End file.
